How do I get out of my comfort zone? It's gotta be... (The story - Part3)

Happy Friday World!

Fear is the poetry of your comfort zone.

At the end of the day, it is the poetry you recite inside your head that encloses you within your comfort zone. The projection of a horror movie that never happened, the wisdom from the weary, the unsatisfied ids of the fallen, are all broken reflections of fragmented fears.

DEAR love for nothing less than thee
Would I have broke this happy dream;
It was a theme
For reason much too strong for fantasy.

Therefore thou waked'st me wisely; yet 
My dream thou brok'st not but continued'st it
...

That Love is weak where Fear 's as strong as he;
'Tis not all spirit pure and brave
If mixture it of Fear Shame Honour have.

...

(The Dream - John Donne)

Oh, Donne... Love and fear and love and fear, however...

Whether it is fear of getting hurt by someone you are falling in love with, fear of not having the qualifications to apply for that dream job, fear of confronting your friend's choice of donuts over scrambled eggs, the end result is one and the same: holding back. Holding back from expressing yourself, holding back from helping someone in need, holding back from self-actualization.

Some may say "I believe I can, I just need someone to believe in me as well". Or, at the other end of the spectrum saying that "I need to do it with someone who has done it before". Both of these have been circulating our society for a very long time, but we fail to ask "How did the person before the person before the person... before the person who believes in me and has done it before everyone else, do it? Who believed in them? Who showed them the way?"

Well, my ginger snap cookie, it is because the desire of change, the urge of escaping old ways, the itch of curiosity, the excitement of the unknown has to start within you. You have to change the pessimistic and poisoning poetry that you feed your mind every single day to a positive scenery; nobody has ever jumped the gap saying to themselves "I won't make it!".

While it is true that privilege plays a role in our society, and that having certain privileges ease us away from some comfort zones, the fact still remains, studies still show, humans still prove that CHANGE. HAS. TO. START. WITHIN. YOUR. SENSES. Yes, coming from a wealthy family opens up more doors for success, which can reflect in more confidence and "winner" mentality for things like career opportunities, education routs, or even reliable friendships. An so does choice; choosing to pursue a successful career, choosing to educate yourself, and choosing those who will be part of your life, can also open up doors for success in careers, education and 'circle of trust'.

Everything we do is a choice, unless we get reared by a truck while driving on the highway, in which case it was someone else's choice to drive too close to you, which lead to an unchosen car accident. There are certain situations WE, all, cannot control, and there are situations that we CAN and chose to control, and FEAR alongside the boundaries of our comfort zones, are steadily controlled by the stories we tell ourselves.

Here are a few Hollywood classics:

1. "I am afraid of letting someone inside my heart because love is a losing game and one of us will eventually get hurt, so that's why I am still single" - Truth: not everyone deserves to be with you, not everyone is a player, not everyone will hurt you. Myth: the one will come at the right time, the one will love me for who I am, the one will make me happy. Reality: you have to establish the values that define you, the values that you want in your significant other, and actively seek opportunities to meet people who fit those values. Story change: "I will define my values and chose to give my time to those who match them. Somewhere in that time, I will find the right person for me." DONE!

2. "I am afraid of leaving my job because times today are tough and there are so many unemployed people out there, who cares if I feel miserable every day? I wonder what will happen with The Bachelor tonight!?" - Truth: good jobs are hard to get, competition is there to make it more difficult, rejection happens on a daily basis. Myth: a good job is a stable job, kissing ass will get me promoted, friends at work- no such thing. Reality: the most valuable skill to have these days is a healthy unbreakable ATTITUDE. Story change: "I am actively seeking career opportunities that will allow me to implement and expand the skill set that I currently have. The right company for me will have me jump out of bed and look forward to my day." DONE!

Why Hollywood classics? Because love and career are arguably the most important aspects of one's life. Love because we are love, we want love and we exude love, and career because it takes up most of our time and energy, thus not having either or will leave us empty spirited and empty walleted.

Small changes in the way that we think about the outcomes we desire make a catastrophic different in our results. If you are the type who needs scientific proof (FYI, I love you for being that way, but in the same time know how to read and interpret scholarly articles), look up articles that are written by PhD authors on topics such as positive psychology, the psychology of happiness, happiness and the brain. Oh, you thought I would look them up myself and share them with you? Nope! Start getting used to seeking your own truth, and do not rely on others' biases ;) You are welcome, cookie!

Breaking free from our fears and escaping our comfort zone is possible if we change the story and tell ourselves that it is easy to change the things that don't quite fit into our lives.

If it makes you anxious, unhappy and sad, start thinking about the stories you tell yourself, about yourself, and make the change... small, big, your choice.

When I get doubtful, I tell myself this over and over again until I push through:

"Whether you think you can, or you can't, you are right" - Henry Ford

oxx,