How do I get out of my comfort zone? It's gotta be... (The Ego - Part 2)

Happy Wednesday World!

Fear is your superego on steroids!

Staying within your comfort zone is not a horrible decision, but it is also not the best decision ever.

If the CEO of your comfort zone is ruled by Mr. Fear, it's time for a change...

We are all told that the EGO is the one messing around with our brain, but somebody (to be read 99.99999..9 % of bodies) forgot to cross reference their terminology with peer-reviewed scholarly articles.

When you hear things like "He's got a big ego!", or "Her ego is making her shut the door on every man she meets!", or "Your ego is getting you in trouble!", plug your ears with your fingers and go "La la... La la la la la la.. La la la!" because the Ego has nothing to do with greed; it is the ID (inborn rhyme talent).

The id is the instinct to acquire immediate gratification out of any situation* (Wow! See how I rhymed there ?) The ID is the one to blame for what our generation, and previous generations before us, would call a rushed decision. It is the kid inside of us saying "I want it! And I want it NOW!".

On the other hand, the superego is the instinct of delaying in the hopes of perfection * (No rhyme for this one...). It is the voice inside your brain making excuses and keeping you inside your comfort zone. BINGO! It is the mean, grumpy, sketchy kid saying "Now it's not the time!", or "Why try when you know you won't make it?".

Excuse me? Come closer.. a bit closer. SMACK that cheek! (My ZEN just went out the window.)

 Now, let us use our ego ( i.e. the one that helps us make sense of it all) and look at how thoughts and impression of what is possible can nurture fear and keep you within your comfort zone, as well as a few other great ways to escape the boundaries of your own superegotistic and pessimistic mind.

2. Ego to the rescue

You see, the ego is the good guy here. The ego is that friend who's got your back no matter what. The ego is that person in your life who you call when the going gets tough, and you know they will pick up the phone at any hour of the night and drop anything to attend to you. The ego is the reason within your consciousness saying "Everything is going to be okay! One step at a time."

There are two dimensions to your comfort zone: the belief system and the experience.

Beliefs are what keep you within your comfort zone. For example if you are acrophobic, meaning that you are afraid of heights, like 10% of the US population *, being elevated a certain distance above the ground will bring your body into panic mode, weaken your knees, raise your heart rate and make your palms sweaty, because you believe that... you will die? Or you bite your tongue when your best friend does the wrong thing because you believe that a good friend should be supportive of everything and are afraid of losing them. Or, you stay within an unfulfilling job because you believe you won't get offered another job elsewhere - I mean, look at the market, people are being let go every day!

The danger in having negative beliefs about yourself, your family and friends, your career, or your future all together is that it affects your performance when engaging in actions that are directly related to the end result you are after *. It will affect your ability to learn new skills, experience emotions and perform any task. You know you are a pro at marketing, yet the thought of speaking in public paralyzes you, and the words won't come out of your mouth, your fingers keep twitching so the powerpoint slides skip ahead of topic, you are sweating buckets and your shirt looks like it ran a marathon. You have the ability to deliver, yet your beliefs limit you from doing so.

I could list hundreds of peer reviewed articles of neuropsychology, neurology, psychology or even philosophy on how our self-beliefs directly impact our efficacy, but one quote sums it up more beautifully and elegantly than all other evidence:

Whether you think you can or can't, you are right - Henry Ford

But how do you move from CAN'T to CAN.

Experiencing, step by step, or head first.

There are various ways of therapies for the beliefs keeping you inside your comfort zone, most popular being Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (which focuses on repetition of various affirmations and self-reflections connected to your fears and comfort zones) and Exposure Therapy (which as the name entails exposes you to various objects and situations you deem terrifying) *. Do know that if you repeatedly tell yourself you can fly, and then jump off a building thinking that you can, you are missing the point, and you should, most definitely see a different professional! Both types of therapies are highly effective, and will cost you money and time to replace old beliefs with new ones before you take the steps to experiencing ideas outside of your comfort zone.

There are also other ways to beating your belief system and trying new things... These are practices that I have been using myself, as well as teaching in my seminars and workshops.

First off, you need to understand how your brain works and what exactly happens when fear overcomes the desire of breaking free from comfort, so, I put together a small summary that you can find here. Thus, accumulating knowledge about your triggers and fears will give you the insider's scoop on things like 'the fight or flight response', 'how to change a habit', 'what are snaked afraid of' etc. The lesson to be learned here is for you to learn your lesson and seek information. Period.

Secondly, fear creates a cocoon of negative energy inside the body than can be released physically; unfortunately this is also one of the reasons why we tend to get physically aggressive when being mad at something or somebody. So, any sort of movement, be it walking, dancing, boxing or judo, allows for that release of internalized fears. Find a way to sweat on a daily basis, even if it is for 15 mins- The Daily Hiit has a variety of fun or challenging workouts that you can use for your daily sweat. You know what needs to be done, and if you really want to change, you will do it.

Thirdly, look at other fears you may have and start tapping into those first before going head on with that one thing that terrifies you the most. Being uncomfortable with something is usually a good starting point; whatever tasks or situations make you slightly anxious, start with those. It could be that you are not fond of one particular coworker, or you don't like small talk, or you are having a hard time paying compliments (I got you covered for this one here), or that you are not comfortable wearing bright colours. Whatever the discomfort, start with that. Why? Preframing your mind and nervous system for bigger fears to come :).

Use these three strategies in the exact order:

KNOWLEDGE + WORKOUT + DISCOMFORT

Being in a relaxed body, with a clear mindset of what is happening allows you to tap into uncomfortable situations with more ease. #ZEN

Then ultimately, each uncomfortable situation will slowly, but surely, take you out of your comfort zone.

How did the ego play a part in all of this? It helped you reason within all that I just typed a.k.a. there is a medium/strategy to escaping your comfort zone without having you thinking "I need to get the F#$% out of here NOW" or "It will never happen for me".

SENSE-a-tional Ego!

oxx