"Oh my God, Becky! Look at her butt" - The perks and wins of a woman complimenting another woman

Happy Thursday

World!

Complimenting is an art!

Compliments are important because they are a way of expressing your opinion without making it all about you; at least it shouldn't be all about you and how YOU like his hairstyle, and how YOU like her smile and how YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU... Point made! It is YOU indeed who compliments, yet the content has to be about HER. Sometimes, expressing ones admiration towards another can become frustrating and we end up not saying anything, but...

One particular soft spot I have been noticing after interacting with thousands of people in my amazingly awesome career and superbly colorful social life (so modest this one!) is how a woman pays a compliment to another woman. Or, better said finding the art of paying SENSE-a-tional compliments without questioning whether you did a good job or the other person thought your admiration was, simply put, fake!

Complimenting someone is an art, and, like most other things in life, it takes practice and a little bit of time and thoughtfulness to pay the most SENSE-a-tional compliment in the history of YOU ;)

Here are three thoughtful ways to address compliments coming to and from you:

1. The You Look So Cute Compliment

You Look Cute is an understatement for "I don't really care, but HEY! You look O.K. and I kinda have to say something without putting a large amount of effort into it, so I'll stick to 'You look cute'." If CUTE had a career in fashion, he would be fired by now. It just doesn't do the job when complimenting someone that you appreciate. It's lousy! It's vague! It's buy one and get 6 free! It lacks a sense of observation rather than being to the point as to what you really like about the other person. It's the difference between inertia and momentum- the later is with intention while the former just happens. There is something not quit right when a woman says to another woman that she looks cute; if you were to close your eyes and hear this you would most likely imagine two twelve-year-olds dressed up in a Halloween ballerina costume, brushing each others' hair up in the attic on a Friday night. 

There are so many other great compliments to chose from when replacing the implosive You Look Cute. One of the best ways to come up with compliments is being observant and to the point - it is within our nature to gravitate towards people who actually pay attention to us rather than being blunt, which is what You Look Cute is. If you like the way somebody looks or carries themselves start with "You have such a great sense of style!" or "Your style is amazing!" and build it up from there. It is about the art of conversation, being present, observant and honest, while understanding that looking cute comes from something that she is wearing, or the way she carries herself rather than it being a state in nature - no such thing as the natural state of cuteness.

Unless you are seven years old or are speaking to a seven year-old, the word cute screams jealousy! This word is overly used by women when it comes to complimenting a woman's appearance, and the last thing you wanna hear after spending three hours in the bathroom, flat ironing your hair and hair spraying half of the Schwarzkopf container, shaving your legs two times and redoing your eyeliner at least 4 times is that You. Look. Cute.  I am completely biased when saying that it lacks maturity and admiration, and you are free to come up with your won hypothesis to float your boat, however, when you start thinking about all the other rich, descriptive and empowering words you can use when complimenting a woman on her looks, cute starts to fade away into the abyss. 

If you really find something about the other woman that you categorize as cute, address that one thing in particular, and not the entire person. You can say things like :"That necklace is cute!", "Your hairstyle is cute!" or "Your belt is cute!" 

Otherwise, the magic formula is:

 

YOU + HAVE + SUCH + A + GREAT + SENSE + OF + STYLE !  

 

 2. The I Love That Dress Compliment

That's great! Good for you! But what does that have to do with complimenting ME?

A dress, a pair of shoes, a necklace, a pair of earrings are inanimate objects, which entails that they do not have ears, or a mouth or a brain to process your compliment - you loving them. They won't reply to you saying "Oh! You love the way I look when this person I'm on takes me out of the closet and brings me outside of the house? Oh! Jee, thanks!" By now, you should get my point; you are addressing a conversation to a dress, that doesn't really do much besides patiently waiting on a hanger for the next occasion to be seen - you are removing the PERSON out of the equation.

When meeting a woman that wears something you absolutely love, talk to her, not to her attire. Say things like "You look stunning!", "You are gorgeous!", "Your look so beautiful in that dress!", "That dress belongs to you- you make it shine!", "You look so hot, I'm jealous!". Only if you are attending the fashion week in NewYork City or Paris or anywhere else in this world, and speaking directly to the designers letting them know how much you love that dress, and those pants, and those shoes should you express your admiration and love for a remarkably outstanding attire.

Making slight changes in the way you express yourself when complimenting other women makes you look bold, approachable and irresistibly classy. Paying a compliment is all about making the other person feel special, especially when her looks come to play. Complimenting her, instead of her outfit brings her a sense of entitlement over her choices to mix and match, pay attention to details and express the way she feels and who she's about through her appearance. Honour her inner by complimenting her outer beauty.

The magic formula is:

 

THAT + DRESS + BELONGS + TO + YOU !

3. The You Look Beautiful Compliment

Now, that is a compliment! You Look Beautiful or You Look Stunning or You Look Gorgeous are hired for life! It takes so much class to say this to another woman, and it takes even more boldness to find the perfect response. Oh! the love and empowerment coming out of a woman saying to another woman that she looks beautiful, you have to adore it! On the other hand, if said with rolling eyes, or a raised eyebrow, or duck lips, it can become irritating because nobody likes to be sugar coated and lied to in their face - save yourself the trouble of being the faux version of humans, or even worse, getting smacked in the face by a woman who can't deal with your BS. When seeing a gorgeous women who looks beautiful think of the way you would compliment a bride on her big day, use all your teeth, have that twinkle in your eyes and say it from your heart You... Look... BEEUTIFUL.

It takes a confident and powerful woman to acknowledge that another woman looks stunning, and guess what will happen once you start noticing the beauty in other women? Your self-esteem and value will automatically increase. Most times women would rather bite their tongue than pay another woman a compliment because they feel that it takes away from their shine and glitter when in fact is shows how insecure they truly are. A great way to show your admiration is to start with "You look beautiful! That dress on you, that necklace, your hair... stunning!" This shows that you are fabulously present to observe her for all that she is and let her know that she stands out. By pointing at the different pieces she wears, you portray yourself as honest and trustworthy. After they reply to your compliment, you can use compliment #2 and #1 and say "Those shoes are so cute. I love the way you wear them. Where did you find these hidden treasures?" BOOM! Can't get any more SENSE-a-tional than this.

Going one hundred and eighty degrees away from saying it, is receiving it; what can you say when someone calls you stunning, or gorgeous, or beautiful, or all three at once? The best way to answer is with "Thank you! What is your name?" alongside red ears and rose cheeks. Now that you know the qualities of the woman saying it, you also know that she can potentially become one of your future bffs, or someone you MUST keep within your network. One huge mistake I find when responding to this powerful complement is saying: "Aww.. You're so cute!", "Aww... Thank you dear!", "Oh, honey. That's so sweet!" There is nothing cute, or dear, or honey-sweet about me being super frank with you. If anything, using sugary-baby-like words and diminutives creates a hierarchy where you are the queen of the world, and the complementer is your subordinate - it's like a mother talking to her child... It's like climbing on top the mountain and yelling "I am so insecure!" for the world to hear. So, thank them, get their name and start a conversation where you return the compliment at some point or another.

If you happen to walk down the streets of TIFF, wearing a lime green dress, hair up in a bun and somebody walks by you saying "You look beautiful!", give them your biggest smile, look them in the eyes, and say "Thank you very much!" That's it!

The magic formula of giving:

YOU + LOOK + BEAUTIFUL !

The magic formula of receiving:

THANK + YOU ! WHAT + IS + YOUR + NAME ?

It seems to me that we, humans, have a bit of a hard time saying nice stuff about each other. We underthink the impact that our words have on the other person and have a difficult time finding the proper sentences to express how we feel.

The most valuable lesson to be learned is being thoughtful within your mind and kind worded within your speech - we are all vulnerable tiny beings who need love, and joy and mutual support.



Which of these three have you practiced before? What were the responses?